Ginny in the Wonderland of Oz!
by Alexei Noire
Summary: INSANE One Part Story!


Ok this is a kind of parody of the Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland - duh! Well anyway, plz read and tell me whatcha fink ok? Thanx!  
  
Ginny in Wonderland of Oz!  
  
Ginny wakes up on a black and white farm in Kansas. She realises she's not supposed to have woken up here so she takes a few sleeping pills and swigs a LOT of beer. By the end she's drunk enough to ram her tongue down Severus Snape's throat and put her hand down his trousers. *shudders* Anyways, she gets back to sleep *still shuddering from the mere thought of THAT. ewww*  
  
Ginny: Oh shit, where the fuck am I now?  
  
[Ginny gets up off the tree she's lying on]  
  
Ginny: *pauses for a moment to think it over*Oh right! I'm here in the dreamland type place now!  
  
[Ozzy Osbourne comes out of the bushes followed by a fleet of munchkins]  
  
Ozzy: (stoned Brummie accent) Who the fuck are YOU? *pauses momentarily to take a swig of Absinthe* Sharon? SHARON? Baby, is that you?  
  
Ginny: No it's not Sharon you drunken Brummie, washed up superstar!. CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH???  
  
Ozzy: (Blushing) O-fucking-kay baby doll, just get me another few bottles of Absinthe and I'll do it for free!  
  
Ginny: Sure whatever! *conjures up a crate of Absinthe with her wand*  
  
Ozzy: Fucking hell, Sharon! That's the fastest you've brought me a drink!*takes another swig, only to pass out straight afterwards*  
  
[Munchkins finally make it to Ginny, with their little stumpy feet and  
curly wurly shoes]  
  
Munchkin #1: (In a freakishly high pitched voice) Hey everyone, look it's Dorothy and she killed the Wicked Witch! Hurrah! Let's all get drunk on Vimto and Lollipops!  
  
Ginny: What the fuck are you on about you lil gasbag? I AM THE WICKED WITCH! And I'm gonna kill your entire village of fuckin' high-pitched oompa loompas.  
  
Munchkin #2: We're not Oompa Loompas, that's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, we're.  
  
Ginny: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LIL ASSHOLE OR I'LL FUCKIN RAM THAT LOLLIPOP UP YO ASS!  
  
Munchkins: *whimper and cower*  
  
Ginny: CRUCIO! ALOHOMORA! Er. WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!  
  
[Oompa Loompas.I mean err Munchkins scream, have open mouths and rise a few  
feet in the air]  
  
Ginny: *pleased* Well that told THEM!  
  
Munchkin #3: (In pain) Follow the.AHHH! .Yellow.  
  
Ginny: What? WHAT? Yellow what? Banana? Pile of puke?  
  
Munchkin #4: (Still in pain) ..Yellow. Brick.ROAD!!!!!!!  
  
[Ginny looks around for a Yellow Brick Road but is distracted when she  
finds out what she's wearing]  
  
Ginny: FUCKING HELL! Who put this bloody blue chequer dress on me!  
  
[Cheshire Cat Appears]  
  
Cheshire Cat: Meow, Pussy....CATS!  
  
Ginny: Ok.*approaches slowly*  
  
Cheshire Cat: Hello Alice, would you like some assistance  
or perhaps you shall go through some persistence,  
You are a little girl dressed all in blue,  
And your beauty sits on your face like morning dew.  
You don't look tall, you don't look fat,  
But I know you have ginger hair, for I am the Cheshire Cat!  
  
Ginny: It's STRAWBERRY BLONDE! Fuckin hell, do people not pay attention these days? And by the way my name is Ginny not Alice, or Dorothy.  
  
[Cheshire Cat purrs contentedly]  
  
Ginny: Um yeah. So anyway, can you help me get outta this fucking dream?  
  
Cheshire Cat: Well where do you wish to go?  
  
Ginny: It don't matter which way, pussy, I just need to wake the hell up cuz I can hear an ice cream van back home and it's not likely I'll catch up with it quick enough.  
  
Cheshire Cat: If it doesn't matter where you're going, then it shan't matter which way you go.  
  
Ginny: Oh you're no fucking help you retarded PUSSY! *Aims wand* RUPTARO!  
[Cheshire Cat explodes and is torn into pieces]  
  
Ginny: Well he was no help anyway. Ok I'm gonna follow this fucking road and see where it goes.  
  
[Walks along yellow brick road for a couple of hours or so]  
  
Ginny: Oh fuckin hell, where's the Good Witch when you need her? Glinda?  
  
[Glinda appears out of nowhere]  
  
Glinda: (Smoking a cigarette) What dyu want, bitch?  
  
Ginny: Hi I'm a wicked witch, can we have some kind of battle so I can get of here?  
  
Glinda: So fucking what? You can't keep us straight anymore. That Cheshire Cat is enough to drive anyone nuts.  
  
Ginny: I killed him.  
  
Glinda: (Suddenly perks up) What? You killed that asshole? I couldn't do it because I was all good but .Oh my gosh, respect, honey, respect!  
  
Ginny: Thank you, now get me the fuck outta here you slag.  
  
[Glinda waves wand and takes them to a golf course, well it might be a  
croquet course I'm not too sure.]  
  
Ginny: What the fuck am I doing in this goddamn shit hole for?  
  
Glinda: Ok, bitch the only way you can get outta here is to beat the Queen at croquet and run away to Oz where you'll somehow get home.  
  
Ginny: (Dumbstruck) Fuck.me.hard!  
  
Glinda: yeh yeh, it's all a load of bullshit, but I tell you this, you wouldn't catch Christina Aguilera in a place as classy as this!  
  
Ginny: What?? What are you going on about now u dozy slut?  
  
Glinda: Yeah I mean I'm so good. I mean Christina is!  
  
Ginny: What did you say??  
  
Glinda: I .er.  
  
[Pulls off mask]  
  
Christina Aguilera: Okay FINE! I AM THE REAL CHRISTINA AGUILERA! So what of it? [Christina disappears into fat air, meanwhile the Queen of Tarts begins her  
croquet game by singing a cheesy 80s song]  
  
Queen: # That's the way uh huh uh huh I like it uh huh uh huh  
That's the way uh huh uh huh I like it uh huh uh huh #  
  
Ginny: (Wide-eyed) Fuck. me. harder. and don't stop till u come!  
  
Queen: # I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky  
I should be so lucky in love! #  
  
Ginny: (Covering her ears) I can't take this anymore!  
  
[Ginny runs up to the Queen's throne and whacks her over the head with a  
croquet hammer, not once, not twice but nineteen times!]  
  
Card: She.she.killed the Queen of Tarts!  
  
Ginny: Well she had a crap taste in music okay!  
  
Card: GET HER!  
  
[Chase after Ginny into the gates of Oz]  
  
Ginny: (stops running) Wait a minute, why am I running? I'm a witch! *Aims wand at the army of cards* AVADA KEDAVRA!  
  
[Cards all die]  
  
Ginny: Oh shit where am I NOW?  
  
Little man: Hello Dorothy! I see you've made it to Oz!  
  
Ginny: Oh fuck you're not another one of those Oompa Loompas are you?  
  
Little man: Nope, I'm just a munchkin from the Emerald City!  
  
Ginny: (Kicks him over) Whatever, garden gnome.  
  
[Ginny walks into Emerald City in Oz]  
  
Ginny: (Looks down at her feet) Hmm pretty shoes! Ruby slippers! I wonder what would happen if I tapped them together and asked for a wish over and over again.  
  
Josh Hartnett: Hey Dorothy, can I have a ride?  
  
Ginny: (Wide eyed) JOSH HARTNETT! *punches him in the face* You horny lil bastard!  
  
Cher: You better hurry up sweety, it's time to go. Ginny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! CHER!! *Taps shoes together frantically* There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home.  
  
[Ginny wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings]  
  
Randy Man: (Smiling Evilly) Oh finally you've woken up Ginny!  
  
Ginny: Who are you, where am I?  
  
Randy man: (Stops Smiling) You're home, baby, at home!  
  
Ginny: I don't remember being a home full of skimpy clothed skinny women and randy men.  
  
Randy man: You're at work Ginny, at the Hogsmeade Brothel where you live. Now come on, get ready you've got a show in a half hour baby!  
  
Ginny: *Getting up* Okay, just gimme the costume.  
  
THE END!!!  
  
Oh by the way, Ginny is HOT! See ya! 


End file.
